Let me you tell you the story , in which i almost died .

Always in the beginning of the week , i wake up very early in the morning and i try to do that , with the first ringings of the clock . Sometimes i manage to do that , but the in general my alarm hour clock has difficult hours (!) .

Maybe that’s why i have my family’s old time vintage clock . It’s made from hard metal and this is god for it !!!! Usually these hurry up moment i don’t eat breakfast . I don’t manage to eat , my mind is elsewhere .

I “pay” these breakfast skips , with continuous “starvation” during the day because breakfast is the most significant meal of the day . It’s your ENERGY boost and it supports you till afternoon .

So i wash my face and dress with the ” Ferrari speed” , i grab my lawyer bag , i “throw” in the papers and stuff and go down to my Ferrari .

I didn’t tell you that , but i’m a very successful lawyer . Some say the best in town . Some other say , not such good words (!) for me , but i don’t care . I hear only the good ones and don’t give a damn for the haters . Moreover , i’m the BEST .

I’m the “king of the universe” and everybody else should go and “drown” themselves . I’m the best my “friends” and all of you haters are just losers , who just hate me because i’m rich and famous .

Even if it WASN’T MY DREAM to be a lwayer , i’ve made it and became one of he best lawyers in my country and for sure , the best in my town .

So you can go and “drown” yourselves . I DON’T CARE . These thoughts made me smile a little , while i go to my garage and my Ferrari . You know this “sneaky” tiny smile from self – satisfaction . I am the “King of the World” and i believe it .

I’m smart , capable , good looking , very rich , successful , i have prestige , i have politicians and great businessmen friends , i have as many girlfriends i want , my family is proud of me , my house is like the Lakers stadium (!) and of course i have a couple of my favorite cars i’ve always wanted and DREAMED as a child .

You know as a child my greatest DREAMS , were related with cars and in general the Motorsport field . But CIRCUMSTANCES , made me a lawyer and i’ve left behind my childhood DREAMS , for EVER . But i don’t complain .

My success gives me HAPPINESS . So who cares for the UNFULFILLED dreams ? I DON’T care . Having these thoughts , i get close to my Ferrari and prepare to get in .

But , what’s happening to me ? Everything is fading , i lose my eyesight , i see things blurred and my powers are leaving me .

I cannot do anything , my knees are benting . The last thing i see before the blackness , is my Ferrari’s red color fading . This is it , i feel zero . Darkness is all around me . I cannot hear also anything . But i can sense myself , i have sense of my conscioussness and state inside this darkness .

Of course i cannot understand what happened to me . Did i die ? But if i’m dead how can i think stuff ? If i’m dead why i can sense all these thoughts in the middle of all these darkness ? I can’t do anything else but to wait .

But just a minute , i feel my body parts again very , very lighter than before . I can sense my body , as if i have no weight at all . Oh , Oh the “lights” are coming and the solid darkness is moving away .

I can see now clearly . I’m not in my garage and my Ferrari , i’m in another room . I walk towards to the main room , but i feel so light . I keep walking in this strange environment and i’m about to open the main’s room door . The decor around me isn’t something to mension .

All the colors are dark . Anyway i reach the door , and i open it . Silence is everywhere , only a some quiet conversations mixed with sobbing , from a couple of people i see at the end of the room . I walk to get near them .

I want to ask them what is going on and maybe these “guys” know something . But as i get close to them , i found their faces familiar . They are on their backs on me , near to a bed or something , but i feel i know them . My GOD , there are amy parents !!!!! There are my loving parents .

They are crying above a bed , in which someone is lying on it . I cannot see his face , it is covered with a sheet but i’m about to uncover it . I go around and pull it from this guys” “face .

JESUS , it’s ME !!!!!! I am in this bed and it is my “Death – bed” .

I have no grimace in my face , but it is so pale and white . My parents are in the opposite side . They seem so tired . My mother’s eyes are continuously crying and my father seems so sad .

I try to touch my face but , my hand is moving inside my body , without having the ability to touch and feel anything .

I walk around and get closer to my parents . I kneel and speak to them , but they can’t listen me . I speak louder , but nothing . I try to touch my mothers’s crying eyes , but nothing again . I cannot touch and feel anything , from the world .

I rise from my knees and this time it happens . I’m not touching the ground anymore , i fly above it . I fly above the ground and i can make rounds in the room .

I see everything from above now . NOONE is here expept my parents . No friends , no lawyer friends , no girlfriends , no neighbors , NOONE .

I suppose they haven’t learned my bad news . I suppose . But my parents are here , with me in my “last” presence in this life . And you know i wasn’t always fair with them in many ways .

And another one is here , i don’t know him . He wears black , he doesn’t speak and his face is so cold . No emotion at all .

As if he is so used to all this . As this is just another “day in work” for him . He is very serious and you think that he cannot hide his anxiety to finish the “job” . His hands are soiled with dirt and his big moustache is almost smiling from all this situation . Oh , now i see .

He is the Undertaker and he’s here for me .

But now i can fly way above and i’m on the ceiling . I try to pass it and i can !! I run through all the walls and concrete and i’m now outside in the open air .

There is light and i can see the sun . But i cannot go wherever i want . I continue to fly more and more above the earth , as if something is dragging me .

A FORCE .

I can’t do anything to resist and i just wait . I rise and i wait to see what is going on . Now the light is reducing and in a couple of seconds ( or i think so ) , complete darkness is around . I can’t see anything . I can only recognise , very far away a light spot , a light .

I go towards to this light and i’m anxious . OK and a little afraid .

What is here ? Where i’m going ? Will i suffer form all this ? Should i be more afraid ?

But all these thoughts are ending violently . I’ve reached the light and darkness exists no more .

Everywhere is bright and my eyes are trying to adjust to all this light . I try to speak , no response . I shout , no response again . I don’t feel fear or anything anymore , everything is neutral .

What is going on ? Is SOMEONE playing with me ?

But wait a minute , i can see something from way in front . I’m not sure , but i see something , or someone . it is getting closer , as the moments are passing . I can see it more clearly now .

It is SOMEONE and has with him a small child . Yes i can see their shapes very clearly now . There are 2 persons . One big and one small , for sure .

They are reaching me and indeed they are a PERSON dressed in total white and in his hands he holds a small child . This is strange . I try to see both their faces , but i cannot see their characteristics very clearly . I only know that i feel very relaxed and i’m not afraid anymore . The child looks kind of familiar (!) .

The big guy is stretching his arm , wanted to follow him . I feel so calm with his presence . I signal him Ok and i start to follow him .

He is in front of me holding this child by his hand and i follow as closely as i can . I don’t know anything for these two . I can only see something like feathers they leave behind from their path , mostly the big one .

Even if i remember that i had “countless” allergies in my human life , but these feathers don’t harm me at all . Strange thing (!) We walk for quite a while and i’m very curious , where we’re going . Around us there is nothing , only bright light .

A light i’ve never seen before . Finally we arrived somewhere . The big guy is looking at me , make a sign with his arm to get closer . Now i’m exactly beside him and from nowhere , TWO doors are reveiled in fornt of us .
One is Black , one is White .

No ringbells , no windows , nothing just solid black cold metal for the black one and white wood for the white . The big guy opens the black door , leave the child outside and sign me to follow him . I step my one foot inside and a strong gust of HOT air is “welcoming ” me .

I’m inside completely now and the big heat is makes its presence more than before . It is very hot in here (!) . Till now i haven’t felt anything , but now it’s different . My big white fellow shows me to follow him and i do so . We are above a hill and i can see very clearly the hole scene .

JESUS there is no sun , no moon , no stars in the sky . The sky is totally Black . The groung below the hill is black . The earth under my feet is black . The rocks are black . The air is black .There is no flower , nowhere . Only soil and rocks and this unbearable heat .

Not far away there is city and my white friend , walks to it . I follow him and try to understand what i’m seing . We are now outside the city and a very bad smell of heat , burned flesh and sulfur is “burning” my nostrils . We are more inside the city now and i see people beside the thing which is like a road .

JESUS i see people as i’ve seen them till now . Their bodies are full of continue bleeding wounds , their teeth are all rotten .

Some of them have body parts ambutated with their flesh been eaten by bugs and flies . Some of them cannot walk and crawl with their face in the dirt .

Some have their offal outside their bellies but continue to live . Some are crucified and let for who knows how many days . Some are inside water but scream that they are burning . I try to see something nice on them , but i cannot .

All their clothing is black and shred . In some of them i can barely recognize , better clothing than others but all are in the same pain and misery . Who , knows maybe once were Kings and Queens .

As we walk between the city’s roads me and my white guardian , i see all the people making signals to my friend .

They stretch their wounded arms , trying to reach him . BEGGING him to end their pain . But my white friends answer to all of them was TOTAL ignorance . He doesn’t even turn his head to see them . He IGNORE them completely .

He can’t do nothing for them NOW . I told you in the start that i cannot see his face , but now maybe i can identify a sadness in his face . Sadness for all of them . He accelerate his pace and we pass them all . At the end of this underworld ‘trip” , it’s time to the beginning .

My white friend sense my sasdness to all this and wanted to “save” me from the repetition of all this , he strokes his fingers and in a glimpse , we are outside of the 2 doors . The small child is waited for us and even i can’t see gramaces , i think he is happy for our return .

Now my white guardian waks towards the White Door and before he even touch it , it opens WIDELY . He turns his head to me , I think he smiles maybe and he enters . It didn’t need to ask me , i follow him inside and my mood is way more better than before .

The minute i’m in , a gust of fresh air mixed with all the flower smells i know , “hits” me . No heat and stuff like that . Now i accelerate my pace to get inside and see .

As more i go move inside thus much , the combined smell all the earth’s flowers mixed with the autumn moisture , winter’s snowy air , spring’s pollen and summer’s dryness , makes my soul more than happy .

As if all the year’s seasons are in here in one place , in one smell . I smile spontaneously and my white friend notice that . I think he smiles again . He and the small child are standing above a hill again , but now the scenery is COMPLETELY different . The sky has the clearer blue i’ve ever seen .

It has all the known and “unknown” colors , depenting the place you are and the MOOD you are (!) . The sky is participating with you . Colorful flowers exist all ove the place . Some of them are familiar mut the , majority is foreign to me .

But they smell so nice . Bees and other bugs are “visiting” them , creating an astonishing buzz all over the territory . Animals of all kind are walking around the ground , playing and eating and having fun .

I’m far away , but i can see that people exist down there and they are playing and having fun with all the animals , having a PERFECT relationship with them . Even the flesh eating animals , which now they don’t eat flesh . No fear , no arguments , no violence , nothing .

Only a PERFECT balance of all living creatures . In the sky above , you can see all the planets . The Sun , the Moon , the Mars , the Poseidon , the Orion , everything i knew from my school and the web , it’s here . You cannot have enough from this astonishing view .

I can be here for hours , just seing the marvelous “painting” . My GOD , who has made all these ? WHO is the CREATOR ?

But i prefere not to occupy my brain with thoughts and focus on all this . My eyes can’t get enough of it . My souls cannot get enough of it . As if my whole existance is “PROGRAMMED” to be here . I feel that i fit (!) in here . I see that the small child likes it also .

My white feather guardian , is standing above that hill and i think that he’s smiling , crying or maybe BOTH seing all this . I can’t see his mouth , but i’m sure he’s whispering something . But the time passes and i see my white friend turning around walking to me and to the exit of this White door’s World.

I’m surpised . Aren’t we go for a walk to this magnificent world ? I try to say something to my friend , but with seriousness he moves his arm , telling me that i’m not allowed to see more of this , or take a walk . He shows me the door and to folow him . I’m very dissapointed .

I WANTED to GO this WORLD . But rules are rules and i “obey” . The door closes behind us and the happy voices and smell are past now . We are in the same light and in the same neutral situation . Now WHAT ? What is going to happen to me ?

Maybe this white friend isn’t a friend and wanted to throw me to the Black Door ? I DON’T WANT THAT with MY WHOLE EXISTANCE .

This thought makes my bones chill and i try to speak to him , my WILLINGNESS to AVOID THE BLACK DOOR . I WANT THE WHITE DOOR .

I want the white door and i’m WILLING to do WHATEVER IT TAKES to WIN this opportunity . PLEASE my white fellow , DON’T throw me to this black TORTURE and ENTLESS misery door .

I am a GOOD guy (!) , deep inside . I DESERVE a second chance and my fellow’s grimace shows his objection , maybe .

Ok , i don’t deserve a second chance .

I NEED a SECOND CHANCE , to prove it . I WANT a SECOND CHANCE .

PLEASE give me a second chance . I BEG YOU .

At the beginning i speak this to him silently , but now i scream from despair to him . The moments are passing very slowly and i don’t get any answer . I feel maybe , my tries aren’t enough .

I duck my head and turn around , starting to walk to the black door . Even if i have no body , i feel warm tears on my face chicks . That’s it my friend . You’ll pass the eternity in sadness and pain . I know that i deserve it , my actions in my human life aren’t good .

But i HOPE !!!!!

I hope that maybe i could get a second chance to do the RIGHT thing . To LIVE MY LIFE as i should . Having these Dark thoughts , my tears are flowing to the ground as a river and i cannot stop them . This is the time to pay for all the bad things i’ve done in my life .

But when i was alive , i didn’t know all these . I didn’t know the consiquences of my heeartless actions . I thought i was so powerful , that nothing can harm me . I thought that i should have to WIN in life with every way i could . I thought that nobody esle than me has feelings , so i didn’t care if i hurting people .

I didn’t care for the damage my actions were doing to others . I thought that in order to win in life and make your dreams came true you are allowed to do whatever it takes .

You are allowed to “step over” others , because “everybody does the same” . I thought that good and evil exist only in fairy tales and if you want to accomplish your goals you must be ruthless .

I thought that human’s only worry , should be to gain money , glory , fame , enormous power , recognizability , followers (!) , satisfy his flesh needs and do all that in the maximum grade . I tought that , the meaning of life , concerns only his “outside” , because the outside is what others see !!!!

But back then i haven’t realize that when the “lights” will be turned off , the “inside” will remain to you . This “inside” will be your “fortune’ till the end of your life .

Back then i thought that i was happy just because i was a famous and rich lawyer and because all my surroundings , were watching me in such way .

The others only “loved” my successful icon and i felt so priviliged and precious in the world . You know , NOBODY can resist to clapping . Clapping is massaging your EGO , so sweat and silently . You make a falce icon for yourself , you live in that and you don’t even know it .

You are so addicted to the “hum” of flattery , your life passes so quick and you don’t even realise that you haven’t done anything ONLY FOR YOU , in you entire life . You did what you did for other’s people HAPPINESS . And your real happiness remains unsatisfied .

Oh , my GOD how many mistakes i’ve done in my life . Oh , if only i had a SECOND chance . I would make things , as I WANT . I didn’t like the lawyer “thing” . I was always liked the Motorsport area . I would try to become a race driver and if i wasn’t very talented to that , i’d become an engineer .

Yes I’d try to spend my life in a Formula 1 or a Motogp garage , surrounded with race drivers , oils , tyres , laptimes and stuff like that . That was what my child HEART wanted when i was a kid , but OTHERS desided FOR ME to become a lawyer .

I would try to become a better person . A better human .

I would try not to hurt anyone or insault anyone’s poverty situation and be ironic . I would try not to been controlled completely , by my “flesh” and do countless “things” for which I’M NOT PROUD , to satisfy its “hunger” .

I knew it back then , that letting myself being controlled by my passions which hurt people , was a HUGE signof my MORAL COWARDICE , but i “played” the BLIND man .

I should have fought my “dark” side more than i did . Those night’s stomach aches after my wild parties were “reminders” , but i “played” the fool . Oh , if i only had another “shot” for my life . I would do the right , not the popular . I would try to “feed” my inner self more than my flesh and VANITY .

My body needed food , but my spirit and soul needed more “food” . This is why , i had sometimes the feeling of the “unfulfilled” and i didn’t know from where it came from . Or maybe i “played” i didn’t know . I had EVERYTHING , but i had NOTHING .

And as a human being or a lawyer , i would try NOT to lie again . I would try to be a SO STRONG personality , so i would never NEED to lie to anyone . If you are STRONG inside you , you don’t care to lie to gain benefits .

You don’t care to cheat and do bad “thing” to benefit from a situation . If you are STRONG , you don’t care anymore to hurt people . INSECURITY is an unknown word for you . You do your “job” as bettr as you can and either you lose or WIN .

And believe me if you become such a PERSON , you’ll forget how to lose . Oh , my sweat ANGEL if i only had another “round” . I would “train” as a madman to fulfill my dreams . The dreams i’ve made as a child , but i let life to “push” me elsewhere .

No matter how hard i should have to work , i would NEVER ABANDON my dreams . If it needed i would act somewhere alongside my dreams , and in the first oportunity , i would returned to my primary “path” . If you LOSE YOUR DREAMS and PURPOSE you begin to DIE !!!!! .

I know that , NOW !!!!!!

I don’t know how much time it has passed tinking all that , but i’m outside this BLACK DOOR . I cannot see it very well , because my eyesight is blurr from tears . But I can feel the darkness , behind it .

JESUS where are you to SAVE me ?

I have NO HOPE now and i reaching out my arm open , this BLACK DOOR . I step my one leg in , i FEEL the unbearable heat and i’m about to enter my whole body and FOR EVER in here .

BUT …….

I feel a strong arm grabbing my lef shoulder and pulls me out decisively . The white “guy” hadn’t spoken to me not a tiny word , but now my Guardian Angel says this :

” You’ll have a second chance , i’ll send you back . Either you’ll get into your OLD body and continue the same life , or you’ll start all over and he gives me the hand of the small child ” .

Before i manage to say something , my Angel walks away inside the moisture and in a couple of seconds , he’s gone . I turn my head to see this small child and now i can see his face , very clear .

It is MY face . I am the child .

Everything around is spinning , the ground dissapears and me and the child are falling with high speed . I understand that we are going back to the living . I must make my choice , very fast . Either i’ll continue as i WAS , or i should make a “restart” .

What did i choose ….. ?

Please don’t delay me with questions , i have school tomorrow !!!!