I walk all day to find a dish of pasta and a couple of eggs , to fill my empty belly and my feet are killing me . After a couple of walking miles , i found a packet of pasta in a trash can outside of a nice and expensive restaurant . Ι ducked to reach it and my back bones are giving me so much pain .

The outside sleep in the park and the winters humidity aren’t the best situations for me . I grab the pasta with my half-torn glove hand and put it in my wool coat i found the other day , in trash . JESUS , what stuff people thrown away !!! .

I turn to walk away and a nice lady from the restaurant , stopped me and put in my dirty hands a couple of eggs , giving me a big smile and then she kept going thrown away the garbage .

For a moment i feared of that the nice lady recognised me , that’s why i didn’t look at her straight in the eyes ( with some “grams” of shame , i must truly say ) . My todays “mission” and maybe tomorrows is accomplished , now i must take the road back to my “house” , my bridge downtown .

So many thoughts are passing my mind . Some of them come with tears in my eyes , that’s why i always duck my neck and pull down my skull winter cap . Some of these thoughts are no good at all .

Sometimes i wish JESUS , end this day-in day-out torture , take my life and save me from my problems .

I stopped wish this wish (!) because a friend of mine down under “our bridge home” have told me that , wishing your death is a very big sin . So i stopped wish of that , i don’t want to push my CREATOR’S nervous system to the limit (!) .

I go thrοugh people and i can sense their despise and obnoxius feelings for someone like me .

Not all of them (of course ) . Lawyers , mechanics , politicians , businesmen and women , students , architects , workers , models , and whatever , looking at me , as if i’m not from flesh and blood .

As if i’m not a human being . I stink , i’m dirty , i’m unshaved and i’m destroyed , but i AM STILL A HUMAN .

I remember when all these “guys” and “girls” were clapping at me , on my glory days .When the lights were so bright , my achievements were giving inspiration to the world , my bank accounts were “fat” and the media were making “superhuman” stories , because i was a good “product” .

I don’t give them blame , our modern( and not only ) societies work this way . It’s “normal” , i suppose . But my soul’s complaint still exists . I almost reached my “home” , my “under the bridge spot” and me and my buddies will have a “royal” meal , in a while .

We made the macaroni and eggs using our barels fire , we ate them and some little smiles came in our dirty faces .

My smile came remembering the times , when i ate dozens of eggs and pasta for my training long lasting days , when i needed high quality proteins and carbohydrates as muscle “fuel” .

Now i eat them , to survive . The chilly night is coming and i must go and “curl” in my corner , to avoid the freazy night . Another set of thoughts are coming in my mind .

Hard work , training , tons of personal effort , “blood and tears“ , mind games , success , money , glory , beautifull women/men , cars , travels around the world , interviews , big “smiles” and “love” .

Big smiles and love inflated VANITY , maybe a little more hard-hearted approach to others , personal mistakes , wrong people to trust , waste of money , illness , alcohol and substances ,total disaster , divorce tiny corner down under the bridge .

What remain EXACTLY THE SAME DEEP INSIDE in this old , wounded and dirty body of mine ?

The “HOT FIRE“ in the center of my stomach ,i’ve felt all my life and was made “HOTTER“ , the times i fought to reach my dreams , is SOLID THE SAME !!! At least , i had my chance in life ……and my eyelashes closed falling asleep .

* * to all my ” VISIBLE “ friends out there , who are the biggest SURVIVAL WORLD CHAMPIONS .