Everything had gone well the last 9 months and i’m waiting for the ” green ” guys for the big announcement .

My mobile phone’s battery is 100% charged to tell the good news to relatives and close friends , my pocket is full of money to offer whatever the medical personnel wants to eat or drink , for the ” brand new ” appearance of a new human in this planet .

My FIRST CHILD’S APPEARANCE !!! . The clock is ticking so slowly , but my heart is ” revving ” so wildly .

The other future fathers and mothers near me , are smiling understanding exactly my emotions . They have them too .

The dark night is leaving , giving its place to the upcoming day when the big door opened at the end of the corridor and my wife’s doctor is walking at me .

Back then i found it so poetic. I stand up from my chair , ready (?) for his announcement . But HE ISN’T SMILING !!!!!!!!! .His ” lost ” smile , ERASE mine too in a glimpe of an eye .

I get ” deadly ” serious and i start walking to him trying to ” push “a small breath into my lungs . I failed .My brain and heart are FROZEN and they are frozen in the DARK NIGHT hour , even if the daylight has come .

What is going on Doc ? ”

There isn’t an easy way to tell this Mr …… .Your wife is ok , but your son/daughter has some BRAIN DAMAGE ISSUES , which we haven’t diagnost them during the pregnacy because , blah , blah ……………….

In my prime days , i squat 400 pounds in he gym ,but now my feet CANNOT HOLD MY BODY . I enter an office trying to find a chair and a window to breathe . I search for the light switch because i cannot see anything , i suppose it’s dark outside .

I find the window , open it , take a struggle breathe and slowly my eyesight is coming back . IT IS DAY !!!!! .What did i hear ? Maybe i heard wrong drifting from my anxiety and emotions . NO , I HEARD CORRECT .

The baby has brain problems , which in a high grade are IRREVERSIBLE . Oh , my GOD , JESUS CHRIST , what am i going to do ? I’m 37 , but my next 50 years or so , passed in front of me in a nanosecond – And in those years i couldn’t find a tiny smile .

I don’t have time to think anything else now . I must tuck my “crashed ” hard disk right away and go to see my wife in the clinic room .And no matter what , i MUST enter the room with a SMILE .

Even if i cut my mouth with a knife making a ” JOKER “ smile , i MUST enter the room with an optimistic smile . GOD give me strength and dry out my tears from their origin , if they try to ” escape ” from my eyes .

Her unsolved health problems , took my beloved wife away from me after a couple of months from your birth .

The docs said that her problems were heart problems something with her valve they say , but i know that she couldn’t hold the pain and sadness inside her , blaiming herself for many things. HEART problems indeed !!!

She never saw you walking my son/daughter and i ‘ m sure she would be so proud , even if you are not an ” ordinary ” kid .She will never see you trying to talk , even if you will never talk as an ordinary person . Here we are my child . You , me and the endless time in front of us .

I know the difficulties which are in front of me and i must survive them all , because you MUST survive .

How many times my eyes filled with tears getting out straight from the bottom of my soul , wondering how would our lives be , if things were different .

How many times my ” river ” of tears were poured through my eyes falling on your diapers mixing with your shit and urine the countless times , i’ve changed you ?

And not only the time you were a tiny baby .I know that i’ll never wipe your knee-blood after your first fall from your shiny bicycle . I’ll never see you playing “ordinary” games , with the other “ordinary” neighborhood kids .

I must be always around you , watching you closely and not allow you do something beyond the “ordinary” measures , scare them to death .

I’ll never see you , going to an “ordinary” school , taking “ordinary” grades , making your first school -” escape ” going to the video games room with your buddies .

I’ll never see you having love problems ,first kiss problems , first separation problems , first broken tooth from teenage fights ,first ” tough ” question for me about life , relationships and sex , about society .

I’ll never see you spinnning the car tires , running away late at knight , after you’ve ” stolen ” my car keys .

I’ll never go to your college graduation , flaunting like a peacock , smiling and crying the same time . I’ll never go to your marriage , or see grandchildren from you ( and “loose my mind” for good ) . I’ll never see you .I’ll never see you …

But i ‘d be the biggest liar in the world , if i say that i haven’t passed , HAPPY and BLESSHED times with you , my son/daughter . Times in which i sensed your soul so close to me , even if your mind was ” ill ” .Times in which i hear you say to me :

I LOVE YOU DAD/MOM !!! , THANK YOU FOR ALL .

If i would change , EXCHANGE , or regret for anything in my life ? NOT for a BILLION EUROS , my child .I will be near you , beside you till my last breath .
– Till my death

* * dedicated to all the WORLD CHAMPION PARENTS out there and their ” SuperHero ” powers . You are not alone .