What happened to me ? Why am i here ? Why all these happened to me ? Is this the end ? Is this my end ? Is this my paifull last ” show ” ? Why am i here in this cold ” cell “ ?

I don’t want to be here . I want to get out to see the sun and breathe fresh air .

JESUS i’m very cold , in here . I look around and there is NOONE TO HELP ME . I AM ALONE .There is no hand to reach , even if i hold so many hands in my lifetime .

There is no eyesight to see and pick some courage , even if i saw so many beautifull eyes in my lifetime . So many beautifull eyes , which i fell in love and believe .

There is no ” kindly ” hit in my back and a ” friendly ” mouth to“encourage” me and tells me all the words , i wanted to hear .

Even if , there were so many . Not even my dad or my kind mother , are here to save me . Oh , my sweet mother , how much i need you now ! .I want to scream , to call for help , but my throat and lungs don’t obey my will .

The clock is ticking , i get up from my last bed in this cold “cell ” , i go close in my ” prizon ” window and throw its ” bars ” , i look outside . JESUS , i feel so alone , like i haven’t felt during my entire life .

Sure i have felt loneliness some times in my life , but never in the grade i feel right now . This time is totally different .

This time is the last time for me . There is no other second chances for me . The clock is ticking , the priest is coming for my last confession and this moment , my only company is only myself , my past life and JESUS .This is my last “cash desk ” .

My lifes “cash desk ” . Noone can escape this particular time in his life . No bank account , no glory , no power , no beaty , no fame , no knowledge , nothing can ” save ” from this moment ,which is all yours .

This new and last experience , is very srange for me . Nobody had spoken to me for this moment . Is it possible that i am dreaming and in a minute all would be a bad dream ?

NO , the clock is still ticking , the priest is across me and i’m making my last confession . I tell him everything about my life . I’m determined to tell him EVERYTHING .

The things i ‘ve done and all that i haven’t . I told him about : my many friends i had in life and i smiled a little .I told him about the my large bank accounts and i smiled a little .

I told him about the fame ang glory i had in my life and i smiled a little . I told him about the beatifull and ” eyecatching ” girls , i had in my life and i smiled a little . I told him about the power i had , on people and things and i smiled a little .

I told him about the fast cars , the great watches , the yachts , the journeys around the globe , the fancy shoes , the nice look i had and i smiled a little .

I told him about the great speaches i gave to the world and the gift of persuation i had and i smiled a little . I told him about the ” Kings and Queens ” i have met in my life and i smiled a little . And then the moment of total truth has come .

I told him about : the huge and worthless ego i had , the feelings and emotions i ‘ve stolen and used for my benefit . The countless lies i ‘ve said to others and myself , the so carefully chosen words i’ve said to humans to hurt them and “stole ” a victory which wasn’t mine .

The victories i’ve won and seemed so ” proud ” using the opposite principles of fair and square . The so many ways i have found to hide to others and especially to myself the pain i felt by knowing one thing :

I didn’t gave the 100% of myself to win the battles which gives the SATISFACTION of SELF RESPECT . No matter if you win or lose.

I told the priest about : the courage i should have shown to my lifes difficulties and shouldn ‘t have expected solutions from false “saviors” .

The toughness i should have shown against the “wind” and “rain” .

The nonstop steps i should have made to finish the ” race ” all alone no matter how far the termination seemed to be . The determination i should have to push myself futher than ever . The clear mind and soul i should have to withstand the :

LONLINESS of THE LONG DISTANCE RUNNER !!

But now it ‘s too late for me . My life has ended and i’am about to meet my CREATOR . How i wish to become , 20 – 30 – 40 or something like that , years old and fix my life mistakes .

How i wish to go back and lived a life based on truth and not based on societes illusions .

How i wished to go back and find out my limits and how far my soul strength lungs and heart , could lead me . And maybe i didn’t achieve tons of victories but i surely would have WON my own ones . That exact time , the priest finished telling me the prayers and asked me if i wanted to say something else .

I gave him a big smile and before my soul escape my body , i whispered :

HALLOWED BE THY NAME .

Keep FIGHTING no matter what .

* * * So many talented humans have spoken with their way , about people’ s inner battles to achieve something and become their dreams person .

* * Hallowed be thy name , by the british IRON MAIDEN in their 1982 number of the beast album .

* * the lonliness of the long distance runner , a 1959 book and later movie by Alan Sillitoe and a great song by IRON MAIDEN again , later in 1986 .