I have passed my 30’s , and i’m still poor . Very poor . Maybe more than i ever was .I live alone in a very small apartment , having only the basics .

Water ,electricity ,a bed ,a small toilet , a table ,a closet with broken legs , some plates ,glasss ,that’s it . No TV , no fancy luxuries , no heat in the winter ,no air conditioning for the hot summers . No hot water ,whenever i want , the “special” times of every month .

I don’t know my neighbors , they don’t know me ,and i suppose they don’t want to know me .I only hear their loud fights every single day , all the time . Mostly from money problems , and misery ….

I only know my apartment’s owner , who doesn’t give a damn for me .He and his continuous underestimate eyesight to me ,counting small change for the rent ,says much .

Anyway , no hard feelings ,life isn’t a sunshine playground , to all . I work in a tiny coffe shop , as a waitress .

I cannot find another job easily , i haven’t finished any college , or anything like that . I try to be a good waitress . I don’t want to search for another job , i’m tired .

I try to smile to customers , “easy and difficult” ones , to my colleaguess , and of course to the boss . Sometimes i succeed , some not .

At knights after my shift , counting my tips and money , separate them in glass jars for rent and other expenses i feel my feet soles , burning . I try to write all the money i have very carefully in block paper , so i cannot make mistakes .

I cannot afford to make that kind of mistakes . Before i close my lamp and go for sleep , i eat a half-finished steak i “stole” from a dish in the coffe shop , taking care that noone sees me .

Especially the boss , even if sometimes i think he pretends that he has not seen me .

He is a good guy .Before my eyes gets closed ,i feel so happy ,because tomorrow i have the day off and i will go to the gym , spending some hours boxing . How happy i am . Life is beautifull after all !!!!!! .

Boxing is the only thing , i love so much and makes me happy . I know that it isn’t very common ,for a girl , but i don’t care .

I count the days and hours to go to the gym , and punch .And deep inside me , i know that boxing , likes me too !!

The gym isn’t something fancy , modern , luxurious . The bricks on the walls are visible , the pipes are dripping , the locker rooms aren’t something unique , but when i enter , my soul flies .

The smell of the boxing sack and and the view of the ring , gives me joy , indescribable !!!!!!The guy who owns it , he is a great teacher – trainer , but i don’t think , he likes me .The idea of a girl choosing this kind of training , makes him uncomfortable .

I think he searches for excuses , to expel me .But i’m so typical with my payments .Sometimes i pay first of all the other men , before the new month comes , and isee in his face , the disappointment .

He is not bad , but he thinks that i’m a soft girl living my caprice , which wil not last for long . How wrong he is .

I tried to persuade him to train me a little , to show some correct sack moves ,something at all , but his answer was always negative .He trains a guy , who wil be the next World Champion and he’s so proud . He is a great coach .

He is friend( i think for many years) , with another guy , who cleans the gym , and he lets him stay in the gym instead . This guy , was former great boxer , but without being a champion .

This guy , likes me more . He had shown me some , sack moves and now i can do better .

He has given me , his own(!) speed-sack , to train , till i find the money to buy my own . I think , he sees something in me and all these countless hours i train alone .

But oops , the speed-sack wasn’t his , he was the gym’s chief .After some , hardcore talk between me and him ,he agreed to train me a little , but if i complained a glimse , he would abandoned me .

I agreed with the biggest smile , i’ve given since years ago . I begin to train like a “maniac” .

I needed more protein and good food , so the “stolen” steaks gave nme the solution . I said i had a dog !!!! .

I was doing well . More than my coach expected .

More than i expected and the time was came , to try REAL FIGHTS . Small in the beginning , and we will see .

I “terminated” , anyone who entered the ring , with easiness and my confidence was growing so fast . Managers and that kind of people , were stepping closer for bigger things .

Why not ? And that’s how it happened . I fought better athletes ,proffesionals and i kept winning .

Money was coming fast and my life began to be , as i was dreaming in my lonely night dreams .I give some money to my family , solving some of their problems , but they didn’t seem to appeciate it much .

The didn’t seem , very happy with my evolution and success .Their poisonous cunning talks , hurted me so much but i pretend that ,i didn’t understand .But i was in pain .

I NEEDED A FAMILY SO MUCH . Someone to love me without asking anything , without making him favors .

So i left ,returning to my hotel ,my fights ,my training , driving back with my coach . My DAD !! I was ready for the big fight .The MILLION DOLLAR FIGHT !!!! My opponent was good , but sometimes “dirty” .

After some “troubles” with her , i had her ready for the final hit , but when i was going to my corner for the brake between rounds he hit me in the face very hard , without seen her having my back turned .I loose my balance , i fall and hit my neck to my corner’s seat .

That’s it , the “lights” are switched off , i faint .

EVERYTHING IS OVER !!!!!!!!!!!

I woke up in a hotel room and i cannot move anything . I cannot even move my head to see something . I only can cry !!! . My coach – my dad is the only one here with me . He smiles , with so MUCH LOVE . I can’t see his eyes , they are maybe slightly wet .

He speaks me , the truth . I’M PARALYZED !!!! .

I will be , till the end of my life .The docs did their best .That’s it .This is the “end of the road” for me .

I’m TOTALLY PARALYZED !!!!.

The first days i was only crying . My dad changed my blouse , i don’t know how many times . He is here all the time .

HIS LOVE and care for me , “overflows” the hotel room . At first i thought it was because of HIS guilt for me . But i think is more .The days are passing , my dad is always here ,reading me books ,the Bible , taking care of me .

A morning , my “family” came to see me .They came to see me , after they saw the sights of the town !!!!They tried very hard to show care , love , understanding feelings unknown .

They wanted to sign some papers , so my fortune could give them future security and easiness .

To GIVE THEM MONEY . I send them , you know were and i never see them again . I felt so empty , from love . This time without pretending other “things” .

Inside my “dead” body , my soul was so badly hurted . It is SO HARD NOT OT BE LOVED BY YOUR FAMILY . By your flesh and blood . But my dad is here .

He’s always here . A cloudy afternoon , after his usual Bible reading , i told him that . I couldn’t continue to live like that !!! I wanted this , to finish . And i wanted him my dad to finish it .He said to forget it , and his eyes were wet again .

He left later . But i AM DETERMINATED to END MY LIFE . I wanted to DIE WITH HONOR , and i dind’t care . I make it in life . I BECAME the MILLION DOLLAR CHAMPION .

That was enough . I made some failed attempts to suicide . The doctors were fast and saved me .But now , they won’t .I’ve spend all knight , chewed my tongue , trying to swallow it and DIE !!!!!

Some alarm were ringing , the docs came trying to save me , and they needle what they could needle .

They phoned my dad, in the middle of the knight , to come and rationalize me .He came and when he saw me drowned in my own blood ,he begged to stop doing that with his eyes more wet than ever .

Finally , when he realized my determination to end my life , he told that , he would DO IT !!!! . He would help me DIE !!!! .

I didn’t know what inner moral “wars” , was giving inside him , but i could imagine .The darkest night , he came .

He disconnected my breathing machine , and injected in my serrum enough adrenaline so my heart can be stopped . I could sense , my dad’s pain , my DAD’S LOVE . I hope he’ll forgive me , one day .

He’ll forgive his precious , his beloved , I FEEL SO PEACEFUL NOW , i feel so peacefull now , i feel so pe…… , i feel so….. , i……. ——- .

Be a million dollar Baby and change the sad finish . JUST WIN !!!